Do not fret— it only causes harm —Psalm 37:8
I have become a huge believer that stress can make us sick. I know it can cause cancer, and I believe this is what happened to me. I lived under prolonged stress for several years. And then I had an extremely stressful ‘trigger’ that made my cancer grow out of control. I fully believe this is why my belly grew so quickly in such a short amount of time. Let me explain.
One year ago yesterday, we received a notice from our landlord that we had to move out of our rental. He wanted to move his family into the home. Moving again, something we had done so much the previous year. We had six different homes in six months. This was the most difficult thing I had ever gone through in my entire life, even harder than being diagnosed with cancer. Those moves took a physical toll on my body. I was living in a mix of trusting Jesus, but inside a deep sadness and weariness had manifested itself. I was not walking in the joy of the Lord. However, despite all the negative emotions…. I was going through, God used this most difficult trial to strengthen my faith, to deepen my walk with Him. It was an extremely trying… but necessary… teaching period in our lives… mine in particular.
We had finally found a house, a place to call home after all those moves, for one year, and we loved it. We made it ours, as much ‘ours’ as a rental can be! We painted the interior, planted flowers and a vegetable garden, made friends with all the neighbors. Our children had a dog walking business. It was a wonderful year. We made a home for ourselves. So when we received the notice that we had to move — my mind also immediately raced to the thought of moving again, and again, and again. It was all I focused on, and the memories had come flooding back to my mind. I can’t do this again! These feelings were so real, so disturbing to my mind and body. That I was overwhelmed. If you were with me at that moment, you would have thought somebody had died, I was that traumatized.
Stress, prolonged and extreme stress, causes harm to our bodies. Two months after this moment, my belly started to grow at an alarming rate. Could this be why God tells us not to fret, to not worry, to trust Him, believe Him, and have faith in Him? He knows the consequences, and He has forewarned us. We can do everything right — eat nutritious food, exercise, etc. — but we can undo everything ‘good’ if we live stressful lives. And this was me. I lived in the fear of the future, which caused great stress on my body. God tells us to not worry about tomorrow…”Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life…Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 26:25,34 I believe if we are seeking God for our lives and He sees something in us that is not of Him, living a way that is contrary to His word, He will bring whatever it is to surface, and sometimes with great trials. He was doing that to me. And I love Him for it.
This moving notice was a pivotal point in my relationship with God, in learning to fully trust Him. The grief I experienced that day was very real, but by the grace of God it was short-lived. Day to day, God kept reminding us of all He had brought us through, and His presence was very real in our family, and the fear of moving again slowly faded away.
How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings. Psalm 36:7 And we did ~
Before I go back into my cancer journey, I want to share a little bit about how God was showing us how very real He is. I find it absolutely wonderful when He answers the little prayers, the small desires of our hearts, or the fleeting thoughts that go through our minds. Over and over He was showing me He was right there with us, that we were in His perfect will and that He was going to direct our steps. That we didn’t have to worry! We even became excited for what He was about to do!
The days progressed after we received our notice to move, and we trusted God completely we were going to be okay. I love how God gave me this little faith-building nugget because I figured, if He cares so much for these little details, how much more does. He care for the big ones in our lives? He cares about it all!
We had two days before we had to move out, and we wanted to be sure to leave the home nice for the family moving in, and the lawn needed mowing. I love mowing the lawn and making the yard look nice. It was getting late and the sun would not be out much longer. My intentions were to mow and then weedwack the perimeter of the lawn. But time was getting short, the sun would be going down. Would I have enough time? I really wanted to do it, but I was finding excuses not to weedwack. I thought, “Well, I will see when I finish mowing.”
About five minutes after this thought, I looked up and across the street was a man I had never met before. He was outside weed wacking his yard, and he was trying to get my attention, waving his weed wacker at me. I turned off the lawn mower and walked a little closer. He asked, “Are you going to weed wack out here (outside the gate)?”. “Well, yes, I hoped to.” I replied. “I’ll do it for you!” he shouted. And away he went without any further conversation! And it is a big job, a large yard! I was so very grateful and just full of praise to my Father in heaven who knows every little and big thing, and He cares about all the details in our lives. He sent this stranger to weed wack the yard! He covered that, and He will cover everything.
I will always remember this story. I didn’t pray for this. I didn’t desire it. It was just simply a fleeting thought about possibly not weedwacking. And God knew. Do we have to worry about anything? A home? Food on the table? Our clothes? A job? Cancer? The answer is no. Is there pain involved in this life? Yes. We will all have tribulation, but thankfully, God has overcome it all. He is able and abundantly faithful. Oh, how I love Him!
Namaste’
Bernadette Fernandez 🙂