The Power of NOW

Cancer Sucks…Mostly: Why Getting Cancer Made Me Less Afraid Of It November 1, 2012 at 10:53pm

Martin on Top of Mt. Monarch in Colorado during Martin’s Ride To Cure Cancer.

I made an offhand comment on Facebook the other day. I noted how having cancer meant I am now less scared of it. Ironic as Hell I realize (lol). A very scared friend wrote to ask me what the heck I meant. She was just diagnosed with breast cancer and is scared. https://www.actualized.org/articles/letting-go-of-the-past

No one gets cancer alone. The people around that person end up experiencing fear, anticipatory grief and a loss of control as well. Cancer does spread–it emotionally spreads to those who love that person. It can also spread as a financial burden. (Our pathetic medical system makes certain of that.)

I had a friend with breast cancer and she would have NONE of the pink ribbon stuff. I asked why. She said, “I am not the disease. I want people to see ME, not the ribbon.” This is A good lesson. Any disease can be overwhelming and it is important to not lose the person. Sue Kesim

:<(

Your mind becomes a pinball machine when you hear “cancer” and your name in the same sentence. You go a little crazy. I remember reading Kubler-Ross On Death and Dying in college. Those beautifully sequenced stages: DABDA

Depression
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Life is different than college. Yes you go through every stage, but orderly not so much. Some days you go through all five stages before lunch (lol). Reading helped quiet my mind (thank you Vassar College :). The authors who helped the most:

* Pema Chodron http://pemachodronfoundation.org/

* Eckhart Tolle http://www.eckharttolle.com/

Chodron’s When Things Fall Apart and The Places That Scare You stripped life’s illusions off the tree of my life like old dead bark. Pema, a Buddhist monk, writes what we know but rarely face or admit. One of the best lessons I learned from Chodron was to go easier on myself. When you have cancer, which is a random thing, you can spend time wondering why it happened to you or get busy living.

I recommend the later and Chodron’s teachings about how to go easier on myself had a big, nice side benefit. When I was easier on myself I was also easier on the ones I love making a tough time easier on them. Every moment is precious now. I don’t waste time being mad at silly things or not hugging someone when I can. Cancer cures you of taking people or special moments for granted. Sorry it took so much to get me in touch with myself, but glad to be here now (lol).

Pema Chodron

Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Now and A New Earth helped get me in touch with NOW, this moment. Fear only exists in the past or the future. In the moment we are rarely scared since full presence creates purpose usually followed by a plan. Tolle wrote the most helpful single sentence, “What ever is happening is exactly what is supposed to be happening. ” WOW, I can’t tell you how much reading that sentence sitting in a chemo chair meant. I stopped fighting.

I accepted and then I almost died (lol).

Even the almost dying was instructive. I had an allergic reaction to the chemo. I remember thinking, “So this is chemo, it sucks”. What I didn’t know is my body was shutting down and doing so faster and faster. My last conscious thought was watching the kind woman next to me get up, look closely at me ask me something and then walk across the room to bring the nurse to me. I know I almost died because the panic in the nurse’s eyes was the last thing I saw until seeing the relief as I came out of it. Once again strangers saved my life.

That would not be the last time strangers saved my life and what was supposed to be happening is what was happening again.

Eckhart Tolle

Cancer has many things that SUCK.

The treatment made me feel worse than the disease. I’m less dependable now since it is hard to get me to do things I HATE (email for one example). I focus time on things and people I LOVE. The bills are overwhelming. The money flows out so fast you are sure you’ve sprung a large leak somewhere. Cancer destroys your confidence. You are sure no one will employ you or love you ever again. You feel alone and isolated even from yourself, or from the self you were before cancer. In truth, that person is gone. The pre-cancer Martin has left the building (lol).

Here is what I’ve learned.

NONE of those things like being less dependable or having my mail pile up beyond what is financially healthy will kill me. In fact, I have no idea what will kill me because that day is not today. I kept pestering my oncologist, Dr. Van Deventer at UNC, to tell me how much time I had. At one point he said, “If you were going to die in the next 48 hours I could tell you, since you are not I don’t have any more idea than you”. Life is no more certain for me than you until either one of us is in that predictable 48 hours window or some catastrophic event happens.

We want to believe doctors know more than we do. We want to believe a few more years in school give doctors the secret of life’s purpose and mortality. Yeah, not so much as it turns out. Life’s purpose is an artistic and philosophical question and mortality outside of that 48-hour window is too full of variables.

My favorite reaction when I shared the fact I have cancer with friends was the friend who said, “Wow, we are the same age, that could happen to me”. I remember laughing and saying, “Yes it could, but I am glad it isn’t”. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, but I’m glad it happened to me. Yes you heard right. I am glad I have cancer.

I lived in a kind of self-created, and imposed bubble prior to hearing cancer and my name in the same sentence. The bubble cost me things I love and care about, well one thing I love and care about. I was married to an amazing woman for 22 years and I lost her because my bubble was so complete I never saw the slouch toward Bethlehem. I took things I would give everything I have to recover for granted. When I was almost over the deep, wide depression from losing the love of my life I got a cold that wouldn’t go away. I had cancer.

I’m not glad I have cancer because I want to die (lol). I’m glad I have cancer because it helped me recover and find ME. I didn’t get to this idea of cancer saving my life right off. No there was a year of a double dip depression, a year of playing Kubler-Ross pinball. I don’t drink or otherwise self medicate so it is a small miracle I am here writing this (lol). No, I READ and that is how Pema Chodron was yet another stranger that saved my life.

Then one day all of a sudden I got it. I’m here. I don’t always feel great. I’m not as dependable as I used to be and I need more help than I did, but I’m here and it doesn’t feel, at least not this week, like we are near the 48 hours when Dr. V can accurately predict my short future, so life is good. Life is good.

Today, I stumbled upon this youtube video, made by Global Degree, and I really liked it, so I wrote all words said in it and would like to share it with you – I hope you like it.

For the people who never travel or see the need to, I want to share 7 lessons I’ve learned visiting 72 nations in the last 3 years.

Lesson number 1: Life Is Short.
Thinking you will live to an old age is nothing more than an assumption.
Texting while driving has surpassed the death rate of drinking-and-driving. You can be killed on the road at any moment, by someone messaging their friends. Don’t expect retirement. Living till tomorrow is truly a blessing. So figure out what you’re going to do if you were to die tomorrow and do that until the day you die.

Nr. 2 Go Against The Herd.
Realize that job security entails allowing somebody to fire you. Either you are working to build someone else’s dreams or building your own. You can fail at what you don’t love. So you might as well take a chance at failing at what you do love.

Nr. 3 Embrace The Unknown.
Go without a plan and witness the flow of events. Travel on your own just to realize how easy it is to make friends everywhere you go. Always be the first to break the ice when meeting people. All of the most influential people came into my life because I came to them first.

Nr. 4 Trust In Your Own Path.
In the words of Steve Jobs; you can’t connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards. ”So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something: your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing the dots will connect down the road will give you confidence to follow your heart. Even if it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference. ” – Steve Jobs

What I wanted at the time made no sense..
Only looking back it made perfect sense. I think the universe speaks to us. We just don’t know how to translate its language yet.

Nr. 5 Dream Big and Ask For Help From Others.
With 3.2 billion people online and only an email, tweet or Facebook message away, ask for nothing and you will receive nothing. Ask for a new life and you will receive a new life. Ask for the world and you will receive the world.

Nr. 6 People Are Good Everywhere; and that we shouldn’t be judged by the actions of our governments. There’s no shortage of honesty, generosity, respect and kindness on every corner of this earth.

Nr. 7 Realize, You Are The Creator.
You always have been and always will be in complete control of your fate and destiny. Realize that the things you believe that are stopping you, are nothing but excuses.

Because the only thing standing in the way of living your dreams is you.

Preview LIFE LESSONS LEARNED ONLY THROUGH TRAVEL…