New ‘triple threat’ cause of dementia discovered… scientists say it occurs decades before symptoms (This Information Taught Me A Lot.) 🙂
You can’t control memory loss – only your reaction to it.
Alzheimer’s does not always begin with mild cognitive impairment (MCI). And most MCI never becomes Alzheimer’s — it can be caused by vascular issues, depression, medication or sleep disorders. Some people with MCI stay stable; a small percentage even improve (stock)
For people with dementia, their disability is memory loss. Asking them to remember is like asking a blind person to see. (Common questions like “Did you take your pills?” or “What did you do today?” are the equivalent of asking them to remember something.)
A loss of this magnitude reduces the capacity to reason. Expecting them to be reasonable or to accept your conclusion is unrealistic. Don’t correct, contradict, blame or insist. Reminders are rarely kind. They tell a person how disabled they are – over and over again.
People living with dementia say and do normal things for someone with memory impairment. If they were deliberately trying to exasperate you, they would have a different diagnosis. Forgive them…always. For example, your wife isn’t purposely hiding your favorite pair of shoes. She thinks she’s protecting them by putting them in a safe place…and then forgets.
When it comes to communication with someone with dementia:
Here are some basic Do’s
- Give short, one sentence explanations.
- Allow plenty of time for comprehension, and then triple it.
- Repeat instructions or sentences exactly the same way.
- Avoid insistence. Try again later.
- Agree with them or distract them to a different subject or activity.
- Accept the blame when something’s wrong (even if it’s fantasy).
- Leave the room, if necessary, to avoid confrontations.
- Respond to the feelings rather than the words.
- Be patient and cheerful and reassuring. Do go with the flow.
- Practice 100% forgiveness. Memory loss progresses daily.
Here are some Don’ts:
- Don’t reason.
- Don’t argue.
- Don’t confront.
- Don’t remind them they forget.
- Don’t question recent memory.
- Don’t take it personally.
We’ve put together some specific examples of good and bad communication below, keeping these do’s and don’ts in mind. We also have plenty of tip sheets in various languages regarding more aspects of dementia.
- “What doctor’s appointment? There’s nothing wrong with me.”
Don’t: (reason) “You’ve been seeing the doctor every three months for the last two years. It’s written on the calendar and I told you about it yesterday and this morning.”
DO: (short explanation) “It’s just a regular checkup.”
(accept blame) “I’m sorry if I forgot to tell you.” - “I didn’t write this check for $500. Someone at the bank is forging my signature.”
Don’t: (argue) “What? Don’t be silly! The bank wouldn’t be forging your signature.”
DO: (respond to feelings) “That’s a scary thought.”
(reassure) “I’ll make sure they don’t do that.”
(distract) “Would you help me fold the towels?” - “Nobody’s going to make decisions for me. You can go now…and don’t come back!”
Don’t: (confront) “I’m not going anywhere and you can’t remember enough to make your own decisions.”
DO: (accept blame or respond to feelings) “I’m sorry this is a tough time.”
(reassure) “I love you and we’re going to get through this together.”
(distract) “You know what? Don has a new job. He’s really excited about it.” - “Joe hasn’t called for a long time. I hope he’s okay.”
Don’t: (remind) “Joe called yesterday and you talked with him for 15 minutes.”
DO: (reassure) “You really like talking with him don’t you?”
(distract) “Let’s call him when we get back from our walk.” - “Hello, Mary. I see you’ve brought a friend with you.”
Don’t: (question memory) “Hi Mom. You remember Eric, don’t you? What did you do today?”
DO: (short explanation) “Hi Mom. You look wonderful! This is Eric. We work together.” - “Who are you? Where’s my husband?”
Don’t: (take it personally) “What do you mean – who’s your husband?” I am!”
DO: (go with the flow, reassure) “He’ll be here for dinner.”
(distract) “How about some milk and cookies?… Would you like chocolate chip or oatmeal?” - “I’m going to the store for a newspaper.”
Don’t: (repeat differently) “Please put your shoes on.”…You’ll need to put your shoes on.”
DO: (repeat exactly) “Please put your shoes on.”… “Please put your shoes on.” - “I don’t want to eat this! I hate chicken.”
Don’t: (respond negatively) “You just told me you wanted chicken. I’m not making you anything else, so you better eat it!”
Do: (accept blame) “I’m so sorry, I forgot. I was in such a rush that it slipped my mind.
(respond positively) Let me see what else we have available.” Leave the room and try again.
Need support? We’re here to help! Call us at 858.492.4400 to speak with our dementia team who is here to help San Diego County residents and/or those caring for someone living in San Diego County (Spanish speakers available). Check out our free education classes, social activities, caregiver support groups, & more – as well as our Spanish services.
RECOMMENDED: Why do people living with memory loss repeat things?
Why People With Dementia May Refuse Help — and How to Respond
When someone with dementia or Alzheimer’s says, “I can do it myself” or “There’s nothing wrong with me”, it’s often not stubbornness — it’s a symptom of the disease.
Why They May Not Accept Help
Anosognosia — a neurological condition where the brain is unable to recognize its own impairments — is common in dementia 
- Lack of insight — they may attribute symptoms to aging or other causes
Alzheimer’s Society.
- Fear of losing independence — accepting help can feel like admitting they can’t manage alone
Alzheimer’s Alliance of Smith County.
- Embarrassment or shame — needing assistance with daily tasks can feel threatening
- Misinterpretation of intentions — dementia can make it harder to understand why help is being offered
helpdementia.com.
Why Arguing or Proving Them Wrong Doesn’t Work
Trying to present evidence (“You forgot your pills yesterday”) often leads to conflict and distress 
Compassionate Approaches
1. Focus on feelings, not facts
Respond to emotions rather than the claim. For example: “That sounds scary — I’ll make sure it’s safe”
2. Avoid confrontation
Don’t argue, correct, or insist. Instead, agree with them in part, then pivot to a different topic or activity
3. Offer help in a non‑threatening way
Frame it as making life easier, not taking away control: “I know you want to do this yourself. Let’s figure out how we can make it easier”
4. Start small
Introduce one small change or support at a time, rather than multiple new demands
5. Use distraction or redirection
If the topic is too upsetting, shift to a pleasant activity or conversation
6. Prioritize safety
If refusal puts them at risk (e.g., unsafe driving, missed medications), document concerns and involve healthcare providers or legal/ethical guidance
Key Takeaway
They “can’t help it” because the brain changes in dementia can remove the ability to recognize the need for help. The goal is not to convince them they’re wrong, but to keep them safe, preserve dignity, and maintain connection
If you need practical communication tips or local support, the Alzheimer’s Association and Alzheimer’s Society offer free resources and helplines.
Why People With Dementia May Refuse Help — and How to Respond When someone with dementia or Alzheimer’s says, “I can do it myself” or “There’s nothing wrong with me”, it’s often not stubbornness — it’s a symptom of the disease. Why They May Not Accept Help Anosognosia — a neurological condition where the brain is unable to recognize its own impairments — is common in dementia - Lack of insight — they may attribute symptoms to aging or other causes
- Lack of insight — they may attribute symptoms to aging or other causes
- Fear of losing independence — accepting help can feel like admitting they can’t manage alone
- Fear of losing independence — accepting help can feel like admitting they can’t manage alone
- Embarrassment or shame — needing assistance with daily tasks can feel threatening
- Embarrassment or shame — needing assistance with daily tasks can feel threatening
- Misinterpretation of intentions — dementia can make it harder to understand why help is being offered
- Misinterpretation of intentions — dementia can make it harder to understand why help is being offered
- Why Arguing or Proving Them Wrong Doesn’t Work Trying to present evidence (“You forgot your pills yesterday”) often leads to conflict and distress
- The person’s brain is not processing the reality you’re describing, so reasoning or correction is usually ineffective. Compassionate Approaches 1. Focus on feelings, not facts
Respond to emotions rather than the claim. For example: “That sounds scary — I’ll make sure it’s safe”
Don’t argue, correct, or insist. Instead, agree with them in part, then pivot to a different topic or activity
Frame it as making life easier, not taking away control: “I know you want to do this yourself. Let’s figure out how we can make it easier”
Introduce one small change or support at a time, rather than multiple new demands
If the topic is too upsetting, shift to a pleasant activity or conversation
6. Prioritize safety
If refusal puts them at risk (e.g., unsafe driving, missed medications), document concerns and involve healthcare providers or legal/ethical guidance - Key Takeaway They “can’t help it” because the brain changes in dementia can remove the ability to recognize the need for help. The goal is not to convince them they’re wrong, but to keep them safe, preserve dignity, and maintain connection
- If you need practical communication tips or local support, the Alzheimer’s Association and Alzheimer’s Society offer free resources and helplines.
READ MORE They cant help it they have Dementia or Alzheimer’s – Search Videos
You’ve Never Heard “Stand By Me” Like This… (Irish Folk Version) — Through It All
Devout Christians: Three biblical reasons to love and trust Almighty God
Signs God is protecting you from the wrong person
How do you recognize God’s voice?
Watch: Dr. Camille Sinclair – Bing Videos
More than HALF of people living with dementia have no idea they have it and the brain scans we trust most might be missing the truth entirely. What if you could check your brain health every single day, just by talking into your phone?
I’m Neal K. Shah – YouTube a Johns Hopkins and NIH-funded caregiving researcher and CEO of CareYaya, and I have helped thousands of families navigate aging, dementia, and serious illness.
In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Shifali Singh; a neuropsychologist and professor at Harvard Medical School who runs the Digital Neuropsychology and Brain Health Lab at Mass General Brigham’s McLean Hospital, to unpack how your brain really ages, why so much dementia goes undetected, and how new technology could soon let anyone screen their cognitive health from home. Dr. Singh founder of Cambridge Neuropsychology: where she helps patients with neuropsychic evaluations and brain health.
In the episode, we get into why an MRI doesn’t tell the whole story (one of her patients was told they’d lost 60% of their hippocampus and turned out to be completely fine), why neuropsychological testing detects Alzheimer’s far more accurately than PET scans, and how the words you use every day can quietly reveal what’s happening inside your brain. I’ll be honest, even after years working in this field, a few things Dr. Singh shared genuinely changed how I think about my own brain.
If you’ve ever worried about your memory, cared for someone who has, or just want to protect your mind for the long run, this one’s for you. Here’s what we cover: Why more than half of dementia cases go undiagnosed — and how to catch the early signs The real difference between a neuropsychologist and a neurologist How depression, poor sleep, and low mood can mimic and accelerate cognitive decline The #1 reason families move a loved one into a care home (hint: it’s not memory)
Why 2 out of 3 people with mild cognitive impairment never develop full dementia The story of a patient who reversed his diagnosis — with no drugs Whether brain-training games actually work The single most powerful (and free) habit for protecting your brain How AI, social media, and screens may be reshaping the way we think If this hit home, do one thing today: if something feels “off” with someone you love, don’t wait — ask their doctor about a real cognitive evaluation, not just a couple of quick memory questions.